Nostalgic

My 20th birthday is tomorrow and I can't stop reminiscing about being a teenager. I can't believe it's almost over. I know it was only half of my life so far but it's all I really remember. I did so much in a ten year span that it boggles my mind. I met my best friend among other great friends. I lost friends, had my first kiss, went through middle school, high school, and my first year of college. I got two of my dogs when I was ten, and they just turned ten this year. When I was younger, time did not seem to pass. Now I feel like 2012 was yesterday. There are so many ups and downs when you're a teenager, you may find yourself and figure out who you want to be. Or you may change your mind and realize that what you had your heart set on was actually not right for you. I am excited to enter my 20's and experience life as an adult and live my life how I want to.

When I was a preteen, all I cared about was Harry Potter, I was obsessed with Ron and Hermione. I wanted as many friends I could have and I wanted to be loved. I couldn't wait to go to high school and imagined dating my crush and getting on the pom team. This is when my obsession with my weight and my body started to develop and take over. I always think back to that time, and how I was still a carefree child.

Most people tend to look back at their middle school selves and cringe and I am definitely one of those people. I made a lot of friends, but most of them did not last long. I'm still grateful they were a part of my life because they helped to shape who I am today. My clearest memory from that time is feeling so worried about how my stomach and boobs looked like. I was really aware of my physical appearance and I adventured quite a bit. I dyed my hair blonde, blood red, Weasley Red, and purple. It was quite a time for me. I just couldn't wait to grow up.

Now you're in high school. You feel like you have yourself figured out. You know what you want in life. Then life shits on you and throws you a curve ball. I started out with a bunch of friends, but by sophomore year most of them were gone. I dedicated my life to cheer and my body, that's all I focused on for two years. I loved being a cheerleader, and finally felt like I was a part of something. By senior year my depression hit me and it hit me hard. I did not make Varsity Cheer. Afterward, I did not want to continue with track and I had only maintained three great friendships. However, all of those hardships and my responses to them helped me grow as a person. They still hurt like a bitch but I am in such a better place with my body and mind thanks to going through all that and getting help. I found my taste for music, literature, shows and so much more, I found myself as I was changing throughout those four years. I am so happy to be done with that chapter of my life, but it shaped me who I am right now.

I graduated high school last year, right before my 19th birthday, so most of my teen years were over. But the past year has changed me so much more than any other year. I finally got to travel and I visited Europe. I started my first year of college and met some of my best friends for life. I am finally comfortable with my body, and I know that I am beautiful. I cannot wait for September so I can go back to school and work towards my dream of being a fashion designer. I want to see my friends and do something every night. The last year was hard, but it was a memorable last year of being a teenager. 

I am so thankful for everyone in my life, whether you were only there for a short while or you just came into it. I know that these ten years were full of love, drama, excitement, sadness, anger, and so much more, but they shaped me and helped me to become who I am. Goodbye teenager me, it was a wild ride, I hope my twenties are full of love, achievement, and happiness.