Life Update: Summer and Mental State

Hello, my beautiful beans and happy Monday! For the past couple of months, I haven't really been in the best state of mind. Since the beginning of Spring Quarter (End of March), I've been on a decline with my mental health and motivation. As I stated in my sophomore year blog, the Spring started off great, but then went downhill as it went on. I noticed that besides just my work even the quality of my blogs have been down. I keep writing short little bits instead of telling what I really feel about things. Therefore, a change needed to happen. However, once I got home after my vacation in South Carolina,things started to get stagnant. Still I was determined to have a great summer. 

Rainbow Road, Charleston, SC

Let's start with South Carolina. I wasn't really in the mood for vacations or to go back to places I have been multiple times, but I tried to just relax and enjoy my time. My mental and physical health were not the best with my body getting used to normal food after eating dining hall food for six months. This also happened to me back when I went to Texas. So with my body taking in different types of foods and being in a different place, I was constipated and felt super bloated the whole time which we all know is not good for my mind. Since I was visiting a bunch of cool places and going back to my favorite city, Charleston, I took a lot of photos for myself and the blog. Once I went to editing, I saw how bloated I was and was so mad that this happened again while I am on vacation. Once I got home and saw my beautiful pups and kitties, I felt so much better and I was able to eat what I normally do and of course the bloating went down. So even with those hiccups with South Carolina, I still had a good time but I was ready to home for the summer. 

So what I wanted to do for the summer was travel. Alas that is not going to happen. I had invitations to go to Paris, Scotland and Louisiana from my friends, but I don't have the funds to go this summer. This really bummed me out and I just had to come to terms with it. I might try to go around Michigan or go to Canada for a day trip. So with my travel plans not happening this summer, I felt out of sorts ,but I knew that going back to work would help my boredom. So I went back to work right away and they were so happy that I was back. I killed it my first week too. 

E Battery St, Charleston, SC

I felt good that week. The only problems were my sleep schedule and motivation. For some reason, I could only fall asleep past midnight and wake up after ten sometimes even one. This is very unlike me as I try to get up early, so I am not wasting my day. So for all of June (trying to fix it this month) my sleep was out of whack and I did not get the motivation to do really anything until the evening. I always set a goal of things to get done in the day, but I was not getting to most of it. The way I spent my time was reading fanfictions of Seddie (I know why am I in this hole again?) to watching Poldark (my new favorite thing). Once I ate dinner, I finally had the motivation to draw, sew, and study for an exam I am taking in July. So my mind goes to what's wrong with me? From the time period of 3-6pm I cannot do anything. I lose focus, energy, and feel disabled. So I need to ask my doctor about that, but I feel like something is messed up in my mind that's making me feel this way. So now I am on the hunt for change to make things better. 

 Rainbow Road, Charleston, SC

Other than my sleep and energy being weird, I have been feeling down lately. My plan for the summer was to study abroad in Lacoste, France with my friends. I got waitlisted and I only got in two weeks before we were all set to leave. I could not come up with the money that fast and I already signed up for summer classes at my local community college and told work I was coming back. I was content with not going at this point, but once my friends started to leave and I saw all their photos of the campus and France I felt horrible. I am so happy for them and try to talk to my beans on the regular, but seeing the dorm and hearing about the historical sights and places they've been makes me sad. With a good amount of my friends being overseas and all around the country, I also feel lonely. I have great friends that are my besties for life at home, but our schedules do not line up at all and they are always working. I know this is what happens when we become adults, but being at home most Friday or Saturday nights gets boring after a while. So I am trying to occupy my time for my mental state. I am also trying to plan some fun things this summer so we can all be together. 

E Battery St, Charleston, SC

So with all these setbacks in the beginning of this summer, I did have some great things pop up and I cannot wait for the rest of the summer so my plans can go through and I can make it amazing. The positives of June were that I have read a lot. Even though it's fan fiction, it still counts. I also have fallen in love with Poldark and have three new ships from that show. If you guys have not seen it, I recommend it so much. (New episode tonight as I write this!) So that has been making me happy, but I am more focused on my goals for the rest of the summer. First, is to kill it in my summer course (which starts today) and to ace this exam. Second, is to save enough money so I can buy a camera and finally start YouTube as that has been on my mind for years, and I finally have the guts to do it. Third, is that this month is my best friend's birthday, so we might have some fun stuff planned for it, so that's something to look forward to. The biggest moment to look forward to is my 21st birthday! I am starting to plan it and I want to go all out with a fancy dinner at a mansion in Detroit with my family and very best friends. I can't wait to buy a new dress and shoes just for that night, so that's what I am looking forward to the most. 

Even with my mental health being off and my summer plans not going my way, I am going to work hard this summer. Work as much as I can, draw and sketch to my heart's content, sew and get better at it, kill my summer courses, and finally start my YouTube channel that I have been wanting to for years. It's going to be hard, but I just need to refresh and start off new and take my time to make everything I want to happen. 

We can all restart at any given time. We just need to do it and stick with it. 

See you guys Friday for a fashion post!